So it's a bit late, but we're also a bit DGAF. HARD Haunted Mansion was hands down one of the most undisputedly DGAF events of the year. HARD has certainly protected its reputation and is back and better than ever after HARD Summer which was definitely a drag. Now, HARD Haunted was even more of a drag... but in a COMPLETELY different way:
How creepy is that??? The guy with the beard is none other than I, the Suzanarchist. I hadn't seen my friend Emely in a little while, so I put my arm around her without thinking about how I looked at the moment. How much of an old perv do I look like? People were mistaking me for a man from the start to finish. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
If you haven't guessed already, Shimosh and I were none other than Flat Eric and Mr. Oizo on night #1 of HARD Haunted Mansion. Judging from previous successful attempts in drag, we decided to outdo ourselves yet again. Shimosh being a fuzzy yellow puppet and sewing her costume was a new venture, but me being a male French DJ with facial hair was absolutely nothing new. The results were startling and surreal. Ugh.
Our costumes were partially yet another inside joke come to life, and partially a reaction to what we've seen generally at all ages raves/parties/events lately. We've been noticing that girls and women of all ages (it's even more disturbing when they're underage) are basically showing up dressed in skanky underwear. We here at DGAF personally don't understand the urge to go anywhere dressed up like a stripper, and we respect other people's decisions, but let's face it, it's honestly CREEPY. We don't really see the appeal, or feel that it's in any way DGAF. I mean in a way, yeah, you obviously don't give a fuck if you decide to rock that look, but is it really necessary? Do you need to show that much skin to have a good time? Well duh, it gets hot as hell when you're dancing around all those people, particularly indoors, but what's wrong with a tank top and shorts or a skirt? There's exhibitionism, and then there's showing off your still developing breasts to straight guys who might be more than twice your age. Actually, nobody needs to see them, regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation! It was just really bizarre, looking like a creepy man with a beard, seeing all these half-naked teenage girls around me, and wondering if they had any idea that we shared the same body parts. So wrong.
Oh yeah. Back to HARD night #1.
We'd arrived just in time for Danger, who was one of our top priorities of the night. I wasn't just intrigued by his music but also his image/concept/design; I mean, have you seen his MySpace page??? After going through an initially intimidating but surprisingly efficient line, we rushed past Staccato, who we also wanted to see, but not as badly as we'd seen them previously at Discotheque. Danger played a solid set that helped kick off HARD into an early dance frenzy. He played a clean, consistent set yet managed to steer clear from monotony and repetition. A pretty badass opener I'd say. I was kind of upset that he was wearing a vest but other than that his look is pretty DGAF. He doesn't just wear a mask but he covers his arms up too! There HAD to be some kids, who were either already rolling or who just didn't know any better, who thought that he was supposed to be dressed up as one of the Bloody Beetroots but got it wrong. Hell, someone must have been rolling so hard they thought it WAS one of the Bloody Beetroots.
We caught a little bit of Don Rimini, who was pretty relentless as usual, and kept the party going at a frenetic, glitchy pace. He looks like a Crooker, and kind of has a similar style to the Crookers. I like hard beats, and Don Rimini didn't disappoint. We walked outside to see A-Trak finish, and waited for the Bloody Beetroots, who we were dying to see due to Romborama being a pretty legit album, and also because of some hype from friends. We saw a few people dressed like them, but not as many as we'd thought. I realized that they could have actually walked around and no one would have known for sure if it was really them.
Speaking of costumes, I think the funniest part of the night was when we were moving toward the stage to see the Beetroots, and I heard some random guy say "Mr. Oizo!" and then go up to me and ask for a photo. I assumed he'd already seen Shimosh, because obviously I wasn't as recognizable on my own. But apparently he hadn't, and instantly recognized me as Mr. Oizo. WTF??? HOW CREEPY IS THAT??? Not as many people as we thought were recognizing Shimosh as Flat Eric. They just thought it was a cute costume.
Bloody Beetroots had good energy and played an eclectic set that never got boring. Total DGAF badasses who kept us dancing from start to finish. An obvious highlight of the night! Kinky Malinki!
Shimosh was feeling sick that night, unfortunately, and we'd decided to leave after the Beetroots. Fair enough, we'd had a good time, and we'd be back tomorrow. Hell, I was glad we were able to make it in the first place! But fortunately for us, we'd been talked into staying for 2ManyDJs by someone we'd met in the crowd. We were not prepared for what we would witness next...
We'd seen 2ManyDJs last year at HARD Haunted, and we thought they were cool. I've probably seen Soulwax live more times than any other band, and they were my favorite band for a couple of years. (I was living in the UK, where they actually got the exposure they deserved.) I'd also seen them DJ before at a small club, and that was pretty dope too. So we were down to stay for a few songs...
But once we did, we could not bring ourselves to leave until the very end of their set. 2ManyDJs was a REVELATION. We had no idea they would emerge as the all-conquering DGAF winners of the night. They started out really cute and low key, with Stephen Dewaele walking out on stage, appearing to be adjusting a hand-held radio. They rolled out their equipment, and started spinning. The big suspended "Radio Soulwax" Banner suddenly fell and revealed a huge screen with the cover of the Gossip's "Standing in the Way of Control" single cover. They played a remix of the song, and the fucking cover started MOVING to the song!!! I mean, we'd seen PB Wolf VJ a few months before, but this was a whole new level...
We thought we'd heard eclectic mixes before, but this was something else. We don't know ANYBODY else who could effortlessly mix Dizzee Rascal, MGMT, Queen, Major Lazer, Daft Punk, Aphex Twin, Donna Summer, Dolly Parton, Slayer, Justice, the Eurythmics, Depeche Mode, Kid Cudi, Tiga, The Clash, and even fucking LIL WAYNE into their set without breaking a sweat? And that's not even all! I rocked out so hard and victoriously when Sidney Samson's Riverside came on, and let's not EVEN talk about when they played not one, but TWO Mr. Oizo songs!!! We almost shit our collective pants when Cut Dick and Positif came on. I mean one was enough, and we thought we were safe, but TWO? In fact, my beard mysteriously started falling off when they played Mr. Oizo. My face was melting off too, as a matter of fact.
But things were starting to get a little '90s and I didn't even know it yet... they dropped a reggae song, which sounded awfully familiar. When it went into the Prodigy's "Out of Space", I went apeshit. But when they transitioned into Nirvana's "Breed", I just couldn't handle it anymore. My beard and wig were falling off, and I had to let loose and take that shit off before they flew off and hit someone and they got lost in the crowd. My mind was blown. And the whole time, animated album/single covers of the song were on the screen, moving to the tracks and keeping the audience visually engaged as they danced their asses off. It's a win-win situation, with often intentionally hilarious results.
We knew nothing would top 2ManyDJs and didn't even bother to stay for anything else. We were planning on leaving anyway... but realized how much we would have regretted it if we'd left before or during 2ManyDJs!!! Shimosh suddenly didn't feel so sick anymore, but we'd witnessed something so unforgettably epic that we had to call it a night. We realized that even after Flat Eric was up on the screen during their set, still no one recognized her except for one guy who'd seen Mr. Oizo a couple of weeks before. Shit! I wish my getup hadn't come off. THANKS A LOT, 2MANYDJS FOR MAKING ME ROCK OUT TOO HARD!!!
We headed to Norm's to reminisce and eat some cheap but legit filet mignon. We felt so inspired and enlightened. But we still had ANOTHER night of HARD coming up...
HARD Night #2
So of course we decide to reprise our Justice costumes from last year... which got us into this whole mess in the first place. Disgustingly enough, our costumes were actually refined and improved from last year's. Shimosh even had the right haircut this time, and I had a legit cross. We somehow managed to look more like them than we did last year. We were terrified at what the second night would bring us.
So we rolled with our friends Daniel and Emely, and pondered what insanity awaited us. We were so amped and excited that we'd forgotten how tired we were from the night before. I WAS GOING TO FINALLY SEE CROOKERS, WHO I HAD BEEN WAITING ALL YEAR TO SEE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I WAS. In fact, we'd dressed up as Justice but were mostly there to see Crookers, mostly because we'd never seen them before. We were instantly and repeatedly recognized as we stepped out of the car and walked to get in line. Again, I was being mistaken for a man, but this time, pretty much everyone knew who I was supposed to be. Fucking ridiculous.
Shinichi Osawa was clearly getting the party started. He's got some serious skills, let's face it. His beats were pretty fierce, and his mixing was totally sick. We went outside to check out Buraka Som Sistema, who were fun, bassy, energetic, and made you wanna freak with their baile funk/funk carioca flavored beats. They were the perfect segway into... MAJOR LAZER. Yes, the one who brought you "Pon de Floor", the year's most played club track, via Diplo and Switch. Yes, dry snares are back along with monstrously deep bass and ear-bending high frequencies. Not to mention ladders on stage, with dancers jumping off them and lots of gratuitous dry hump dancing. No, it doesn't get much better than this. The whole spectacle was nothing short of entertaining. Laughing and dancing are definitely two things that are not done enough together.
I think the most disturbing part of the night was when we found ourselves standing right next to the two guys who decided to dress up as LMFAO, complete with glasses with no lenses, an afro wig, and official LMFAO designed t-shirts. No offense, but that has to be the scariest costume of the night. All time maybe? Well, DGAF can't lie... we'd joked about being LMFAO for the first night of HARD, and we end up running into the two guys who actually went ahead with the LMFAO costume. Of all the people in the whole place at that exact time and location, we had to encounter them. That's just our luck. Of course, we girls would have looked more like them...
Justice? no, CMYK! (photo by Emely Portillo)
The whole time we were out there though, people in all stages of rolling were coming up to us and taking pictures of us, or asking to have pictures taken with them. We felt like celebrities, or those people who dress up as characters at Disneyland. "OH MY GOD JUSTICE!" was the most used quote of the night. We wish you could have been there with us, just to see the look on people's faces. As we were hanging around after Major Lazer waiting for Basement Jaxx to come on, some guy yelled "GASPARD!" repeatedly when he saw me, and when I pointed out Shimosh he screamed "XAVIER!" and then jumped around and did some cartwheels or backflips or something, while shouting "JUSTICE!" and he disappeared into the crowd howling like a dog. We wish we were making this shit up. Actually, we don't think we could have.
When Shimosh went to get tacos, she happened to run into some other guy who was dressed up like Gaspard. He wasn't with a Xavier, though. When I ran into him later that night, I was pretty appalled that of course, I looked more like Gaspard than he did.
So I've never been that impressed with Basement Jaxx, I mean they've come out with some fun, catchy songs, but nobody was expecting them to come on as BASSment Jaxx, because it was a pretty bassy night, but I'm pretty sure they outbassed everybody else. It sounded like a straight up attack. This did not sound like the Basement Jaxx that I was familiar with. Wow. I'm pretty into bass rape, but even that was a little much for me. I did enjoy what I heard though, and it was pretty unexpected. But shit, I NEEDED to be near the front for Crookers, so we took shelter from the bass assault outside and were welcomed by a set from none other than Steve Aoki.
While we were in the bathroom, we could not believe our ears as we heard Darude's "Sandstorm". REALLY, Steve Aoki? I mean, we know hipsters are ironic, but what the fuck??? Like 2ManyDJs, he ended with a Nirvana track, wow. Who would have thought grunge would have permeated the electro scene? All hail the '90s! Then came the moment I'd been waiting for. My favorites of 2009... CROOKERS!!! We made our way to the front of the stage. I didn't give a FUCK that we were dressed as Justice... of course I was getting the usual "You're the guy from Justice!" remarks, and I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself when a girl exclaimed "You look exactly like him!!!" How disturbing!
OMG JUSTICE!!! With Daniel... watching CROOKERS??? (photo by Emely Portillo)
Phra and Bot came on the stage... wearing... dreadlocks? We couldn't tell. We later realized that they were Steve Aoki wigs. LOL Oh my god. Those guys. When they started, I almost started crying. Those relentless Crookers soul claps sounded way more epic live... I let myself drown in the intense bass and HOLY SHIT, I was in fidget house heaven. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I don't even have words for the way I felt. It was glitchy, frenetic, the frequencies were pulling me in all directions. Freefall drops? OH FUCK YES. Their remix of "Thunderstruck" almost brought a tear to my eye. Listening to this song in your bedroom does not do it Justice (ok, the pun was COMPLETELY intentional). "Knobbers" kept us all dancing, they even dropped some dubstep, of course "Il Brutto", but they didn't let up for a second. I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!
Crookers!!! (photo by Emely Portillo)
And OF COURSE they HAD to play Mr. Oizo. I did NOT see that one coming. Shimosh sure didn't. But somehow they worked "Cut Dick" into their set... and of course we freaked out. Now HOW DGAF are Crookers? You should have seen Bot with his Super Mario shirt, and Phra looking like the world's biggest coolest most effortless badass on the decks with his sunglasses on. There was dancing, LOTS of beer drinking, and they still managed to keep it completely together, even when some girl who was obviously high on something jumped on the stage and danced around in something more skimpy than a string bikini. I was not down, but at least it didn't kill the music. Crookers ended with the a remix of Day n Night which they didn't do, which involves lyrics about smoking weed and the bass drop from the Crookers remix is performed vocally. This I found hilarious.
I walked outside feeling like I just had really good sex, and I felt horrible for not being as excited about Justice as I should have been, BUT I'D JUST SEEN CROOKERS!!! Justice were noticeably less bassy than most of the other acts, and I was hoping that Gaspard would not be wearing those nasty glasses he started wearing this year. Ugh... yes of course he was... but what the fuck? Were they wearing matching beige shirts? LOL Um... ok... I went closer to inspect, and the bootleg Gaspard (me) met up with the bootleg Xavier (Shimosh) in front of the real Xavier and Gaspard. It was such a dumb moment. I then noticed they were dressed like cops which was kinda hot. I was kind of hoping they'd arrest me the whole time. Ooops, I mean I managed to catch the end of their set, which was cute, as they mixed "Never Be Alone" into "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by War. At the end Xavier stood up on the platform and bowed and I think he flicked his lit cigarette into the crowd, but I saw a lit cigarette in his hand right after, so maybe he just flicked the ash. Who knows. I just wanted them to arrest me. Oops, I mean they did some cute high five/handshake/hug thing and I started craving a sandwich and we at DGAF really hope they come out with new stuff soon! (And for Gaspard to PLEASE STOP WEARING THOSE GLASSES!)
Up next was 2ManyDJs... who were the "special guests" of tonight, MUCH to our delight!!! We didn't give a FUCK if they played the same set... and though some of the songs were, they did manage to mix it up enough for another unbelievable experience, still complete with visuals!!! We felt so fortunate to catch them both nights... and of course to hear "Flat Beat", which we'd been waiting all weekend for. We collectively died and then came back to life cracking up and dancing really hard. "Positif" was played again... what is up with the Oizo revival lately? I have no complaints whatsoever, but it somehow validated our costumes even more, as if they needed to be in the first place... But anyway, DO NOT MISS 2MANYDJS AT ALL COSTS. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. YOU WILL REGRET MISSING THEM. I DON'T CARE WHO ELSE IS PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME. I wonder if I'd miss Crookers for them? Let's not talk about that right now...
LOL JUSTICE (photo by Emely Portillo)
...And let's NOT talk about how the Gaspards almost met. Yes, the REAL one (or at least the one from Justice). During 2ManyDJs we were at the barrier at the front of the stage, and we just happened to be right next to the backstage entrance. I randomly looked away from the stage at one point, and I wasn't sure if I was about to have a seizure or a heart attack when I saw him standing several feet from me, about to walk out into the crowd. Fortunately for him and fortunately for me, he decided not to after the bouncer made the wise decision to direct him to an alternate exit that didn't involve being swallowed up by a sea of rabid and rolling fans... not to mention a female impersonator of him. UGH!
Will the real Gaspard please stand up? (photo by Emely Portillo)
As you could imagine, tonight was a way more tiring night. It was generally a more bassy, energetic night, and the double header of Crookers and 2ManyDJs left me completely... flat beat. I don't remember dancing harder in one night in my whole life. Modeselektor were good, and people were raving about them afterwards, but I was too tired to enjoy it as much as I could. After Crookers and 2ManyDJs, I don't think I could care about anything else anyway, even with the fake alien autopsy happening onstage...
MOST EPIC WEEKEND EVER. Oh yeah and we saw a guy with a Germs t-shirt too. LA NEEDS HARD!!! FUCK THE HATERS, BECAUSE HARD IS BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!! I feel sorry for anyone who missed out on HARD Haunted. I already can't wait til next year... any costume suggestions?
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